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Sunday, January 21, 2007


We are sorry to announce the passing of a great American.

January 21, 2007
Santa Clause Dead At Age 2,029
Press Release: Santa Clause Found Dead In North Pole of Toxic Chemical and Heavy Metal Poisoning. (Courtesy of the Walrus Gazzett)

Apparently, Mrs. Clause found Santa hunched over his work table early this morning. An autopsy, mandated by territory of the North Pole, determined that Mr. Clause had died of an over dose of city pollution. This was strange since Santa only ventured into the cities once per year to deliver toys. It was found however, that Santa being a pure and innocent being (much like a young child) had not built up a resistance to many of the toxins and poisons like older city-dwellers have. Also, he did have a taste for fast food admitted Mrs. Clause. This may have had an impact on his general health and immune system since he weighed over 400 pounds at his demise. The county medical examiner stated there was no way to know if the chemicals killed him first or the French fries and soft drinks. It was a toss up.

The elves and the reindeer were examined and blood and urine sample were taken. Other.......

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Thursday, January 04, 2007


A study of over 800 people between the ages of 50 and 70 found that those who took a folic acid supplement daily for three years did much better on tests of memory and cognitive function than those who took a placebo pill.

The findings suggest that folic acid may boost brain power in the elderly and may also help reduce the risk of dementia.